10th Anniversary Trip to California-Nov 2008

Chris and I celebrated our 10th Anniversary by giving each other a trip (together of course) ....we wanted beaches and mountains and art and WINE without leaving the states and being too far from the kids), so California won out!

Me outside the Unitarian Church next to the Gamble House in Pasedena

I'm not sure if there's any hope of my coming back to "clean up" this travel log and make it more readable, so I'm just going to post what I jotted down quickly in my journal after the trip so that I can share it with my parents.

Saturday, November 1:
Arrived at LAX, drove to Pasedena, bought tix for Gamble House, ate Chinese food, came back for Gamble House tour, explored UU Neighborhood Church next door, drove to Huntington Gardens but it started raining so we went to the Pasedena Museum of California Art-PMCA (Ear Worms, wood, Greene & Greene and Missions exhibits-more info in my journal on these exhibits), checked into Sheraton, walked over to mall area, Happy Hour at Wine Bodega (ALL generously poured wines only $5 each), visited wine making store, sushi dinner at Sachi, then more wine tasting at “The Nose”

The Gamble House in Pasedena built in 1908

Sunday, November 2:
Breakfast w Amy Larkowski at Central Park Restaurant in Pasedena, downtown to LA Museum of Contemporary Art-LAMOCA (LOUISE BOURGEOIS and Martin Kippenberger-more info in my journal on these artists), then drove up to Ventura and ate lunch at a Brewhouse and walked around a bit in the town, then drove up to Pismo Beach, checked into Sea Venture Resort, walked to Thai restaurant, hot tub

Me and Amy

Monday, November 3:
Drove into Oro Montana State Park, explored beach a little, hiked up to Valencia Peak (about 4 mile round-trip took about 2 hours), drove up to Calyca…(?) and ate lunch at Schooner’s Warf, back to Sea Venture and read on the beach for about an hour, went to movies in San Luis Obispo (Religulous) and then pizza and beer

Chris atop the mountain we climbed

The beach and our "resort"

Tuesday, November 4:
Long walk on beach (found sand dollars), drove up to Cambria, walked around a bit and had lunch at Linn’s (pretty little patio), drove by the Nitwit's Ridge (strange house made from all recycled stuff), drove into Paso Robles and visited several vineyards and tasted wine-mostly focused on Zinfadels (Zin Alley, Zambria?, Opolo, Norman, Justin), dinner at the Crooked Kilt and watched election returns, checked into Paso Robles Inn, walked around a bit and had dessert at Artisan and watched Obama’s acceptance speech

Nitwit's Ridge in Cambria

Me outside Norman Winery in Paso Robles

Wednesday, November 5:
Wine tasting at Laetitia, drove into Santa Barbara, visited mission then lunch at Mexican place, walked down to Stearns Warf, walked around State Street, Contemporary Arts Forum-CAF (computer drawings and meditation room- Jean-Pierre Hébert: Drawing With the Mind Curated by Elaine LeVasseur-see below for more info), drove into LA and checked into Del Marina International, shipped wine from FedEx Kinkos, sushi

Original Santa Barbara Altar

Current Santa Barbara Altar

Mission at Santa Barbara

(the only mission to have TWO bell towers)

Me on Wharf in Santa Barbara

Thursday, November 6:
Meander to find beach in Marina Del Ray, walk along beach, coffee and zucchini bread at Cow’s End and walked back to hotel, returned rental car and to airport.

Spirit Getting Stronger and Stronger

So if you have read any of my previous posts, you will notice this idea that i "toy around with" being that my spirit gets stronger the more it is tested or broken much like your muscles get stronger the more you "test" and "break them" thru resistance training (lifting weights for those of you who aren't up on the latest fitness terms).

Well, my Spirit is getting stronger and stronger....especially after these past two days!

First, lemme tell you what happened with Jack.

Second, lemme tell you what happened with Quinn.

Thirdly, I will follow up with other various stresses in my life....which all seem to be physical and medical in nature!

FINALLY, some "brightness" or yes, Virginia, there's a light at the end of the tunnel or the silver lining ... whatever you want to call the positives in my life.


Jack's Story:

Jack falls at the playground yesterday and splits open his chin that requires his FIRST trip to the Emergency Room and 8 stitches. The worst part of that experience was Jack's HUGE AVERSION to anything that MIGHT hurt. NOTICE i said "MIGHT"....b/c he gets himself all worked up about what MIGHT happen and starts freaking out WAY before the potential hurt may occur.

So backing up, Chris ran up to the park with Quinn in the stroller and Jack riding his bike. I met them there (in the car so i could come and go quickly) so that Chris could go run further and I could play w kids a while at the park. Well, after Chris came back and I took off to go home to grab a quick shower (which, btw, may i add i still haven't had one since Sat night....but that's another story) before we headed to Chris's parents for dinner. When I got in the house, the phone was ringing and it was Chris (THANK GOD FOR CELL PHONES) and he said "Jack is hurt you need to come back with the van."

So I jump in the van drive as fast as I can back to the park (damn the speed bumps in Houston High's driveway) and they are sitting there on the side of the parking lot and Jack is pretty calm...not even crying anymore. Chris packs everything into the van and then we start out of the park (damn those speed bumps again!). We debate for a little while on whether a minor medical or the real hospital emergency room would be best. I want to go to the hospital b/c i'm more familiar with it and feel like its the closest place. Jack is not bleeding anymore but it looks like a pretty good gash in his chin.

I drop Chris & Quinn off at the house and we think if this all gets resolved fairly quickly (it is now about 4 pm) then we might still be able to make it to dinner. So I set off for the hospital with Jack, Chris takes a shower and the plan was for him to come relieve me at the hospital so I could take my shower. However, luckily (AND THANK GOD FOR METHODIST LE BONHEUR GERMANTOWN) they moved quickly at the hospital and we went in for treatment within about 15-20 mins. I called Chris and told him that I thought we might be done shortly after 5 pm....since the nurse practioner said that after the topical anesthetic was on his chin for about 30 minutes they would come in to start the stitches (to Jack this meant when the big hand was on the 10--or 4:50 PM to the rest of us).

This ENTIRE time Jack is calm and talking and the staff and nurses are all marvelling at how brave and good he is....PROUD MOM MOMENT TO BE SURE!!

So at 4:50 PM the doc comes into look at him and then the nurse practioner gets the needle and stitching ready.....OOOOPS, they let Jack see that!!! so when she just barely touches him, he starts into hysterics (LITERAL HYSTERICS) and screams and cries about how much it hurts and keeps yelling "I just want a bandaid! I just want a bandaid!". She thinks she did hurt him b/c she thinks the anesthetic didn't numb him enough, I think he's just freaking about the potential for pain...but we don't debate it at that moment. The doc comes back with a big needle with Lydacain(sp?) and this time they DO NOT let him see it b/c another nurse is now hold him down and I'm holding his hands down.

here comes the TERRIBLE PART: so my poor little boy is screaming and crying and the nurse, me and the nurse prationer have to hold him down and steady while the doc shoots him in the chin with the BIG NEEDLE (that i see and he doesn't) about SIX FREAKING TIMES and he cries in pain each time and i start crying but try to stop myself b/c i don't want to scare my poor kid....

so anyways, that stuff takes effect immediately and then they have this little tent thingee that they put over him with a hole for the chin so she can stitch him up. I'm "under the tent" with him talking to him about camping and anything to get his mind off pain and she stitches him up very quickly. NOW WHY THE HELL DIDN'T they think about the little tent thingee in the first place!??!?! I guess i could've told them about his huge aversion to the prospect of pain (relating the story from his flu shot a week before) but of course, i wasn't thinking too clearly during all this.

So anyways, he's fine now and has his EIGHT stitches running the length of his chin looking like little whiskers sticking out.

I was fine until we had to check out and i almost started crying again but i didn't want Jack to get upset again. I'm okay now b/c I didn't really have much time to reflect until now....because of....


Quinn's Story

Two Thursdays ago I took Quinn to her doctor because she was in pain every time she peed. Turns out she had a urinary tract infection and they put her on Septra for 10 days. They went ahead and scheduled an ultrasound and a VCUG to make sure there were no complications from the infection. Well, today, we went for those tests.

(OH, had to interupt my typing for a minute b/c she just woke up from her nap and had peed AND pooped in her pants....what a mess! now she's in the tub).

Quinn was SOOOOOOO GOOD and brave for her ultrasound and VCUG (a type of x-ray where they fill her bladder and then watch her pee it out). She was fine when they put the catheter in and fine when she peed the first time (her own stored-up pee) but when they wanted her to pee out the fluid they put in her she started getting upset and crying (b/c i think she didn't want to pee on the table again). so it took us (me, the doc and 3 assistants in the room) a while to get her to pee. but she finally calmed down and did it when i went down to the other end (i was at her head at first) and told her to "aim" for the towels just like we aimed for the cup at the doctors office the other day.

anyways, they did find the bilateral urinary reflux that they were worried she might have. this means that instead of staying in her bladder until she pees it out, her urine is backing up toward her kidneys (it is apparently going back to both of them). they said she may grow out of it, and will have to be on the antiobiotic for a while to make sure she doesn't get anymore infections. We will go see the urologist on Dec 15 to get further instructions.

so her story is more brief (probably b/c i've had less time to reflect and b/c i now am half watching her in the tub and half typing this....).

UPDATE (late December):
So Quinn was playing upstairs in the playroom and comes down the stairs crying and i ignore her b/c of course she has come down crying like this about 5 times already (b/c of some minor tiff w Jack). But I look up and she's covered in blood. LONG STORY, short....she fell on a toy that punctured her face (to the left of her mouth right above the chin) and I take her to the Emergency Room for 8 stitches FROM THE SAME DOC and Nurse that stitched up Jack! Just about 6 weeks apart, I had BOTH my kids in the ER getting stitches! UGH.....hope they don't call child social services on me!!!!!!

Other Stress Stories

So i'm pretty stressed by these things going on with my kids....i'm wanting to eat bad stuff (already had two Reese's peanut butter cups i had stashed away) and already thinking of drinking tonight. i'm trying to "trick my mind" into thinking that if I just exercise then i'd feel good from the endorphins (not to mention the "feel good" of working toward my weight-loss goals), but it's just not working right now....i'm going into major procrastination mode (hence, the typing of this blog rather than doing anything else productive that needs to get done before we leave town in two days).

Additional stress story #1 is my father's health. He has lung and kidney cancer. His history of cancer is kind of crazy and remarkable....very quickly:
his late 30s: Colon cancer-full recovery after they remove most of it, i think he had chemo but i was too young to remember this one
about 6 years ago: Throat cancer-full recovery after radiation (Didn't even require surgery)
about 2 years ago: Clavicle cancer -- unsure of the recovery on this one b/c after one year of chemo (?) they couldn't really assess things b/c of complications with his diabetes. Once those complications were resolved (meaning he went on insulin), they discovered tumors in his lungs and kidneys this summer. He is now undergoing chemo and as of about 2 weeks ago, the tumors were not responding or shrinking....

SO, i'm not sure how much longer he can beat cancer!?!??! i'm really super worried that this may be our last holiday season with him....

Additional Stress Story #2, my 91 year old grandmother is in failing health too. My poor mom is taking care of my father and her own mother (who is in an assisted living facility but there is still so much to do when your parent is in need).

SOOOOO....VERY LONG STORY to say that my spirit is certainly getting a HUGE WORKOUT these days and it's pretty strong and i just keep wondering what it is that God is preparing me for....i dread thinking about it but i know that two important people in my life may(amend this to say "probably will") be leaving this world soon.

It's kind of hard to fathom the reality of all this b/c reports from my mother are so varied. Sometimes she proclaims that the end is near and then sometimes she says things are going well. Also, since Dad has "defied the odds", so to speak, so many times with cancer, it's hard to believe that he can't win again! However, he is now 67 and in not very good health. All those years of drinking and smoking and major health crisis and very little exercise have taken a toll.

well, that's all for now, i'm pretty exhausted thinking about it and i have to get Quinn out of the tub soon.

A few happiness "stories"

OH WAIT, there are BRIGHT sides to my life right now....

....Thru all the "tribulations" above, my kids have been exceptionally well-behaved, calm, sweet and in-control. The doctors and nurses have all commented on how good they were. I am truly TRULY amazed at how wonderful my kids are and HOW STRONG they are! They didn't whine or complain hardly at all....except when they were actually being hurt (or truly fearing hurt, in Jack's case). They really are good GOOOOOOOOOD KIDS! I'm so lucky to have them in my life!

ALSO, Jack has pooped IN THE POTTY for a WHOLE WEEK....this is AMAZING b/c he is FIVE and we have struggled with the pooping thing for a long long LONG freakin time! it's a whole 'nother story of stress in my life (wondering if he has psychological issues) and we'll have to tell that one another time.

so maybe life isn't so darn stressful...i just wish i'd cope with stress better sometimes...

"Working" Mom

Here's what I'm "working on" at the moment.....perspective and appreciation of my role as mom and wife.

Getting away from the kids and the business of everyday life for about a week, our trip to CA helped me clarify (for now at least):
* my role(s) in our family
* how much I love my kids & Chris, and
* the importance of my family (immediate and extended).

So to that end, I've been making a stronger effort to not have negative thoughts about all the stuff that I do around the house for the benefit of my family. I never really voice them to Chris and usually just keep "it" (the negative thoughts) all inside my head. Which I think is a good thing b/c it would just introduce unneccessary negativity and friction into our family....especially since I'm usually over "it" within an hour.

And let me clarify the "negative thoughts" a bit here. I don't have continual, ongoing negative thoughts. I just get into kind of a rut doing the same stuff over and over again and that brings me down (or slightly depressed) and this is when the negative thoughts creep in.

I think to myself,

"Does anyone even care if this stuff gets done or not?"

"Oh, yes, someone will comment if this thing or that thing is dirty or not taken care of--kitchen (which needs CONSTANT attention and if i let it slip a day or two, then its a disaster....well, EVERY room is like that--it's a big house)."

"I'd really like to get a bunch of things accomplished today so that Chris will be happy of the progress."

"Oh, i got alot done today but he didn't really notice b/c the kitchen is still a mess."

"I think it's more important to spend time with the kids than to have an absolutely positively spotless house."

"I'm going to just stop here for a minute and play around on the pc....ooops there went a half hour..."

"Oh, man, i've wasted alot of time today and didn't accomplish much."

"If I have to clean up these toys or sweep this darn kitchen floor one more time i'm going to scream."

"I wish I were doing anything but this laundry and making dinner and cleaning the house...."

the list could go on and on....BUT I'M REALLY not feeling that down and i'm embracing this role. Whether my family realize how hard i'm actually working around here (b/c i only seem to hear about my performace when it's lacking), I'm just going to keep trying to do my best. I think that's the tough transition (okay, it's been OVER FIVE YEARS) from work to total stay-at-home mommyhood....there aren't annual performance reviews and pay raises!!! Nobody really gives you substantial or constructive or postive feedback! Maybe I should ask for that!??!?!

This funny song below is what i feel like i'm singing all the time....with a smile of course! It's an "oldie" but a goodie and i wanted to "park it here" so I can find it easily when i want to share it with MY MOM and other EXCELLENT MOMS out there!



The Mom Song- LIVE from Northland Video on Vimeo.

Weight Loss Journey

I joined a gym when my youngest was 6 months old (Dec 05) but didn't really change my eating and drinking habits. I found Sparkpeople.com (A FREE WEIGHT LOSS SITE) in August 2007 via a friend who has done an awesome job of losing over FIFTY POUNDS in one year!!!

On this website, I started tracking my food and realized how MUCH I ate was junkie and full of calories. I began working out harder and eating better in September 2007 and found that this REALLY WORKS! I have struggled with the "rules" of healthy living, thinking I can be the ONE to beat the system (b/c i really like WOW--wine & whiskey) but i'm now on a new path to understanding the truth in the saying "all things in moderation." I've done pretty well with my "lifestyle change"....not DIET!

I started running for the first time in my life in July 2007, and ran my FIRST EVER 5K on Sept 8, 2007. I didn't really take running too seriously and just did the cardio machines mostly at the gym. I then started to think more about running and was going to train to run a half marathon starting in July 2008. So, I ran my second in July 2008 (VERY HOT MUGGY MORNING) and bested my first time by TWO WHOLE MINUTES. I ran my third 5K a few weeks ago (Race for the Cure) and did really AMAZING (at similair time as the July race) considering what has been going on in the past two months (see below).

In addition, on Sparkpeople.com I found a workout buddy who actually belongs to the same gym and we have been working out pretty faithfully once a week (it's tough b/c she works and i have the kids schedules to deal with) for OVER A YEAR NOW! She has been really motivating b/c when we met, she had just lost about (now i'm not remembering correctly, but it was ALOT) 30 pounds and she knows alot about strength training AND NOW she is training for a half marathon (something I was supposed to be doing with her, but you will see why later in this post....).

WELL, HOORAY! I reached my original goal of losing 20 pounds (went from 152 to 132) by my 40th birthday (June 24, 2008)....

....but hit a MAJOR TIME DETOUR shortly thereafter. I wasn't planning it and actually had run a 5K at 6 weeks, but I was pregnant. I started to watch my weight very carefully (continued to exercise but not as intensely and tried very hard to eat healthy but was pretty sick to my stomach most the time). Unfortunately and VERY VERY SADLY we lost the baby at 13 weeks on September 19, 2008. I had a really rough time dealing with the loss.

I guess people deal with depression and difficult times in many ways. You either get really focused on a particular goal or you just don't give a shit about anything. At first I was going to "go gang-busters" and loose any weight I had gained immediately, but then I decided not to focus so hard on my weight and to let myself greive and wallow in my depression for a while --basically not give a shit. Tha included LOTS of bad eating and drinking behaviour....but i also managed to eeeek in some exercise about 3 times a week. I thought that was pretty good that at least ONE habit had somehow stuck a little from all my hard work over the past year.

Now, 8 weeks later i'm starting to bounce back to my somewhat normal self and trying to get back on track with my healthy lifestyle. I'm also not so depressed and starting to feel more grateful for all the good things I have in my life. Tragedies do make us stronger....my spirit was broken but has been built stronger by the pain (much like our muscles are strengthened when they are broken down from strength training---ah, love how i have found some wisdom from my past year of studying and practicing exercise & physical fitness).

ANYWAYS, back to the weight-loss journey:
I gained about 10 pounds with the pregnancy and I'm now starting out at around 142 to get back to my original 132 that I had acheived back in June 2008.

I'm still dealing with alot of emotional issues (especially with the added stress of my young kids craziness, and my dad and friends' cancer battles). I am also really MAD at myself for letting myself go for the past 8 weeks....these first 10 pounds are going to be HELL to get rid of, but i'm really, REALLY focused now to lose it! But i'm not going to totally beat myself up and will be taking some "baby-step" goals to get back on track.

Initial goals:
A. Get under 140 THIS WEEK (Nov 10 thru 16).
B. NO Alchohol and NO Sweets til Turkey Day (Nov 27)
C. Get back to 135 by Christmas.
D. Get to 125 by next birthday (June 24, 2008)
E. Try to whittle down my 5K time to 30 minutes (basically a 10 min mile).

GREAT, so now that I've told the "world" of blog readers (of mine, there are few so I shouldn't be too worried) and now I have to follow through on these goals. I'm not good at following through for myself, but if I tell others about it then I feel like such a loser if I can't do what I said (out loud) I was going to do....

if you want to follow my weight loss, you can go to my sparkpage http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?id=GOSHEILA
where I blog about it and you can sometimes review what I ate and what kind of exercise I have completed. I say "sometimes" on the eating and exercise part b/c I may turn that part off if i'm particularly embarrased by my progress.

Thinking/Obsessing/Overly Interested in Artists

After this trip to California and thinking back on all the interesting things we saw and did, I have become “overly interested” or fascinated by artists and why they produce what they produce. Are they more crazy than the rest of us or are they just using art to channel their craziness or the creativity trapped inside of them? Are we all that creative and just don’t know how to express it? Why do they chose to express it in the ways that they express it?

In particular, the work of Louise Bourgeois and Martin Kippenberger who both have HUGE exhibits at LAMOCA was completely blowing my mind. They both used so many different formats or mediums to express their art and they were so strange and diverse in their subject matters.

Sidenote: And here’s another thing about why I’m so fascinated by art: BECAUSE I AM COMPLETELY IGNORANT about it! I really don’t understand all the forms and the words that you should use to describe it. I only know that I like the way it makes me think and the way it makes me feel. I really should try to study it some more so that perhaps I can appreciate it from a different perspective. But maybe my appreciation is just a more real or raw appreciation b/c I really don’t know what is good or what is bad about art…particularly when you are comparing various contemporary or modern artists. Most of their stuff is so wild and OUT THERE and how can you say which of these artists really have talent or skill?

Bourgeois could paint, sculpt, draw, create (went to sidenote above and came back to this thought b/c I had limited vocabulary to describe her work) mobiles, collages, sew, etc. Kippenberger was a performance artist, could draw, paint, sculpt, create “structures”, etc. They had this wide variety of methods in common and many of it was very strange and hard for me to understand. I only kept thinking that these people must have been truly crazy or bonkers to just create this stuff all day b/c it seemed with the enormous amount of stuff they created, then it must’ve been ALL they ever did.

Another sidenote: I learned a new word….ouevre (The sum of the lifework of an artist, writer, or composer.).

I am motivated to study or learn more about these two particular artists. I want to know more about their lives and to understand more about what motivated them to create their work. I think I wish that I could create something interesting….maybe sort of like why I am motivated to write more in my journal these days….this is MY ART form!?!?