Okay, so my last post about my crisis of faith drew lots of comments, but nothing is more powerful than the death of one of the most Catholic lay persons I have ever known. My grandmother, the ONLY grandmother I have, Mary Dolores Meeker McNamara (or more affectionately known as Memo), died peacefully w many of her priest friends surrounding her on Monday.
Here's a link to her obituary: http://www.asimas.com/ASIMAS/asturner/obituaryDescription.jsp?domain_id=126&deceased_id=209337
Maybe people might understand who I am a little better if they know a little about my grandmother. Maybe? I actually think people only understand another from their own perspective and thereby never really understand anyone. People try to project what they think a person should feel and don't really try to walk in their shoes.
I have not even had time to read all the comments to my last post and I'm grateful people are so concerned about my soul, but right now I don't have much time to devote to my soul...i have others to worry about right now.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Want my Old Time Religion
So I woke up bothered by something I heard a child say: “Obama kills babies.” WOW, is this what they teach in elementary Catholic schools? I think this helped me solidify why I cannot go to the Catholic Church right now and why I have chosen to attend the Unitarian Church. I really miss the “peace and justice” and “God Loves You” emphasis that the Catholic Church I grew up with had. I have so much trouble with the focus on “death and hate” the Catholic Church seems to have these days. I hear way more about abortion and hatred of gay people in the Catholic Church and way too little about serving the poor and misfortunate.
Now to be sure, I might be over-reacting but I honestly don’t see the values of our faith being lived on a daily basis when I look around at the average Catholic family. I must say there are many wonderfully, spiritual Catholics that I am close to, but beyond that immediate circle, the majority of parishioners at the Catholic Churches I have attended over the past 10 years are there only for Sunday Mass and it seems to be more of a social reason than a spiritual reason that they are there. Where are these people the other 6 days of the week? And what are they doing outside the sanctuary? What are they teaching their children? I hear some Catholic parents who say they send their kids to Catholic school so that they can learn about the religion.....what happened to good old-fashioned "lead by example."?
When I hear children being so rude and mean to one another, or when I see the lack of volunteerism for the poor and misfortunate, I have to wonder what the point of saying you go to a particular church, namely the Catholic Church in my case since that’s where I grew up. It seems people just stick within their comfort zones rather than really live their faith on a daily basis.
I’ve been a little nervous telling “fellow” Catholics that I now go to the Unitarian Church. I guess I have this fear that God will be really mad at me, or maybe it’s more a fear of being ostracized by my “fellow” Catholics who I count as many of my life-long friends. Truly, my biggest fear is hurting my mother and grandmother who are very devout Catholics. I have honestly told my mother and she is very VERY upset and even tried to guilt me back into the Church saying that Dad would be very disappointed and that she has discussed it w Fr. Lopez (the most wonderful, saintly, honest, brilliant Catholic ANYONE in Atlanta has ever met). But seriously, if they were true Christians they wouldn’t turn their back on me during my crisis of faith, RIGHT!?!?
My “slide” away from the church began when I moved back to Memphis and chose to go to a parish in Collierville and tried to get involved. Well, first off, my attempt to get involved started with signing the stewardship commitment card. I marked that I could help in various ways and WAS NEVER CALLED BY ANYONE. But to be sure, they hounded me and continue to hound me for my FINANCIAL stewardship! Not only do they call me once or twice a year to see if I’m going to make my annual pledge, I also get the pre-printed Sunday donation envelopes in the mail that DRIVE ME NUTS b/c they say “Mr. and Mrs. Chris Ferguson” when I clearly marked on the parish registration that I was Catholic and my husband was NOT! Why would they insist on adding his name to the envelopes? Is this their devious little way of evangelization?
Even when they didn’t seem to want me, I went ahead and worked my way “in”. My involvement started naturally with the nursery since Jack and Quinn were only 3 and 1 at the time….well, I needed a place for them to stay while I attended Mass. Finding that it was a volunteer-led nursery (and a very disorganized one at that), I was soon the coordinator of the nursery for about a year. After beating my head against the wall for that year b/c parents who wanted this service were not willing to “step up” and help, I resigned. During this time I also got involved with the outreach ministry to take food out to some very poor people living in Fayette County. I only did this one time b/c it was really difficult for my schedule (during the day and needed to find childcare for my 3 and 1 year old). But I was also frustrated that such a HUGE parish like Incarnation could only field about FIVE volunteers to help with the outreach ministry. Now I understand that many of the families have little kids and were in the very similar boat as I was with trying to find childcare, but these same families seem to have NO PROBLEM when I see them working out at the gym or when there is some type of social fundraising type event for the church.
I guess my expectations are just way too high for others….well, actually this is one of the problems or bad habits I have acquired from being raised Catholic. See, we Catholics are actually very quick to judge others. We think we have all the answers because, of course, we belong to the only “true religion”….So this has led me to the past year of really deep soul-searching and study to determine the best way to live my faith. Luckily I married a Unitarian b/c I don’t think I would have stumbled upon this wonderful group of open-minded people of strong values who come together weekly to honor one another’s differences but work together to celebrate humanity’s sameness (not a good word, maybe something along the lines of universality…which would be apropos since they are Unitarian Universalists). Attending the Unitarian Church, I can still live my Catholic values and study other religions in freedom and peace with others who will not judge me for following my own chosen path.
I guess part of my problem with Catholicism is that it’s so rigid and the path is pretty much pre-determined that I don’t feel comfortable there. It seems that this new “path” (so to speak) of “death and hatred” has been laid down over the past 20-30 years as the U.S. Catholic Church has shifted from a liberal political focus to a conservative political focus. My parents were Democrats when I was little and ever since I turned 18 and could vote and more actively initiate my citizenship, they turned into Republicans. Altho, Dad always seemed to be riding the fence a little. I almost had him convinced that Obama was the right man for our country…almost! Mom is an obedient Catholic who will follow the Church no matter what it says.
And while the Church as a whole does not endorse particular candidates, the individual parish priests make their opinions known and the parishioners (who in my humble opinion just don’t do any reading or research of their own) just believe they must follow their priest’s advice. I’m digressing b/c this is important (for my “fellow” Catholics out there who will probably try to debate me on this), the U.S. Bishops actually wrote an excellent paper last fall telling “us” (the Catholics) that the faithful should not make their decisions about a particular candidate based upon only one issue (i.e. abortion) and that the whole of a person’s focus on peace and justice was WAY more important. See these links (which I copied from an email to my parents about a year ago, so I’m not sure if the links are still active) if you want to see what I’m talking about:
http://www.faithfulcitizenship.org/
Faithful Citizenship: A Catholic Call to Political Responsibility from the US Conference of Catholic Bishops: http://www.usccb.org/faithfulcitizenship/faithfulcitizenship03.pdf
and some articles that discuss it:
http://www.ewtn.com/vnews/getstory.asp?number=91722
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/10/20/AR2008102002290.html?referrer=emailarticlepg
You see, in this digression, I’m revealing to myself that Catholicism is really not a terrible religion and that the “big guys” or the major decision-makers and the theologians of the Church are on track, it’s just the average parish in the U.S. that drives me NUTS b/c they are so ignorant about what the Church truly teaches!
Okay back to my ideas of where I think the U.S. Catholic Church has shifted in a way that I cannot support. Prior to Kennedy being elected, the Catholic Church emphasized peace and justice (not that it doesn’t anymore, but it sure seems to highlight the heck out of abortion and hatred of gays)…heck, we even had a Catholic President (whose morals weren’t exactly the best and the Catholics shouldn’t really be too proud of him). And somewhere along the way, perhaps b/c Catholics (who mainly immigrated to the U.S. and started out as the “less fortunate” or at the bottom of the financial spectrum) became more wealthy, there was this movement to being a more conservative church. I really should do some research on this before typing any of this as fact, however, this is my own opinion and I’m not writing an academic paper here, but maybe a lot of it has to do with the legalization of abortion in the 1960s when the shift in U.S. Catholic attitude began?
Well, that’s about enough ranting and rambling for today. I’ve been bottling it all up lately and not really had time to think as deeply with working and other family dramas…
(and some day, for my college and beyond friends who would never believe this, I will write about what a hugely devout Catholic I used to be---heck, family members used to think i'd be the first female priest...but that's another interesting twist on my faith journey....)
Peace & Love!
Now to be sure, I might be over-reacting but I honestly don’t see the values of our faith being lived on a daily basis when I look around at the average Catholic family. I must say there are many wonderfully, spiritual Catholics that I am close to, but beyond that immediate circle, the majority of parishioners at the Catholic Churches I have attended over the past 10 years are there only for Sunday Mass and it seems to be more of a social reason than a spiritual reason that they are there. Where are these people the other 6 days of the week? And what are they doing outside the sanctuary? What are they teaching their children? I hear some Catholic parents who say they send their kids to Catholic school so that they can learn about the religion.....what happened to good old-fashioned "lead by example."?
When I hear children being so rude and mean to one another, or when I see the lack of volunteerism for the poor and misfortunate, I have to wonder what the point of saying you go to a particular church, namely the Catholic Church in my case since that’s where I grew up. It seems people just stick within their comfort zones rather than really live their faith on a daily basis.
I’ve been a little nervous telling “fellow” Catholics that I now go to the Unitarian Church. I guess I have this fear that God will be really mad at me, or maybe it’s more a fear of being ostracized by my “fellow” Catholics who I count as many of my life-long friends. Truly, my biggest fear is hurting my mother and grandmother who are very devout Catholics. I have honestly told my mother and she is very VERY upset and even tried to guilt me back into the Church saying that Dad would be very disappointed and that she has discussed it w Fr. Lopez (the most wonderful, saintly, honest, brilliant Catholic ANYONE in Atlanta has ever met). But seriously, if they were true Christians they wouldn’t turn their back on me during my crisis of faith, RIGHT!?!?
My “slide” away from the church began when I moved back to Memphis and chose to go to a parish in Collierville and tried to get involved. Well, first off, my attempt to get involved started with signing the stewardship commitment card. I marked that I could help in various ways and WAS NEVER CALLED BY ANYONE. But to be sure, they hounded me and continue to hound me for my FINANCIAL stewardship! Not only do they call me once or twice a year to see if I’m going to make my annual pledge, I also get the pre-printed Sunday donation envelopes in the mail that DRIVE ME NUTS b/c they say “Mr. and Mrs. Chris Ferguson” when I clearly marked on the parish registration that I was Catholic and my husband was NOT! Why would they insist on adding his name to the envelopes? Is this their devious little way of evangelization?
Even when they didn’t seem to want me, I went ahead and worked my way “in”. My involvement started naturally with the nursery since Jack and Quinn were only 3 and 1 at the time….well, I needed a place for them to stay while I attended Mass. Finding that it was a volunteer-led nursery (and a very disorganized one at that), I was soon the coordinator of the nursery for about a year. After beating my head against the wall for that year b/c parents who wanted this service were not willing to “step up” and help, I resigned. During this time I also got involved with the outreach ministry to take food out to some very poor people living in Fayette County. I only did this one time b/c it was really difficult for my schedule (during the day and needed to find childcare for my 3 and 1 year old). But I was also frustrated that such a HUGE parish like Incarnation could only field about FIVE volunteers to help with the outreach ministry. Now I understand that many of the families have little kids and were in the very similar boat as I was with trying to find childcare, but these same families seem to have NO PROBLEM when I see them working out at the gym or when there is some type of social fundraising type event for the church.
I guess my expectations are just way too high for others….well, actually this is one of the problems or bad habits I have acquired from being raised Catholic. See, we Catholics are actually very quick to judge others. We think we have all the answers because, of course, we belong to the only “true religion”….So this has led me to the past year of really deep soul-searching and study to determine the best way to live my faith. Luckily I married a Unitarian b/c I don’t think I would have stumbled upon this wonderful group of open-minded people of strong values who come together weekly to honor one another’s differences but work together to celebrate humanity’s sameness (not a good word, maybe something along the lines of universality…which would be apropos since they are Unitarian Universalists). Attending the Unitarian Church, I can still live my Catholic values and study other religions in freedom and peace with others who will not judge me for following my own chosen path.
I guess part of my problem with Catholicism is that it’s so rigid and the path is pretty much pre-determined that I don’t feel comfortable there. It seems that this new “path” (so to speak) of “death and hatred” has been laid down over the past 20-30 years as the U.S. Catholic Church has shifted from a liberal political focus to a conservative political focus. My parents were Democrats when I was little and ever since I turned 18 and could vote and more actively initiate my citizenship, they turned into Republicans. Altho, Dad always seemed to be riding the fence a little. I almost had him convinced that Obama was the right man for our country…almost! Mom is an obedient Catholic who will follow the Church no matter what it says.
And while the Church as a whole does not endorse particular candidates, the individual parish priests make their opinions known and the parishioners (who in my humble opinion just don’t do any reading or research of their own) just believe they must follow their priest’s advice. I’m digressing b/c this is important (for my “fellow” Catholics out there who will probably try to debate me on this), the U.S. Bishops actually wrote an excellent paper last fall telling “us” (the Catholics) that the faithful should not make their decisions about a particular candidate based upon only one issue (i.e. abortion) and that the whole of a person’s focus on peace and justice was WAY more important. See these links (which I copied from an email to my parents about a year ago, so I’m not sure if the links are still active) if you want to see what I’m talking about:
http://www.faithfulcitizenship.org/
Faithful Citizenship: A Catholic Call to Political Responsibility from the US Conference of Catholic Bishops: http://www.usccb.org/faithfulcitizenship/faithfulcitizenship03.pdf
and some articles that discuss it:
http://www.ewtn.com/vnews/getstory.asp?number=91722
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/10/20/AR2008102002290.html?referrer=emailarticlepg
You see, in this digression, I’m revealing to myself that Catholicism is really not a terrible religion and that the “big guys” or the major decision-makers and the theologians of the Church are on track, it’s just the average parish in the U.S. that drives me NUTS b/c they are so ignorant about what the Church truly teaches!
Okay back to my ideas of where I think the U.S. Catholic Church has shifted in a way that I cannot support. Prior to Kennedy being elected, the Catholic Church emphasized peace and justice (not that it doesn’t anymore, but it sure seems to highlight the heck out of abortion and hatred of gays)…heck, we even had a Catholic President (whose morals weren’t exactly the best and the Catholics shouldn’t really be too proud of him). And somewhere along the way, perhaps b/c Catholics (who mainly immigrated to the U.S. and started out as the “less fortunate” or at the bottom of the financial spectrum) became more wealthy, there was this movement to being a more conservative church. I really should do some research on this before typing any of this as fact, however, this is my own opinion and I’m not writing an academic paper here, but maybe a lot of it has to do with the legalization of abortion in the 1960s when the shift in U.S. Catholic attitude began?
Well, that’s about enough ranting and rambling for today. I’ve been bottling it all up lately and not really had time to think as deeply with working and other family dramas…
(and some day, for my college and beyond friends who would never believe this, I will write about what a hugely devout Catholic I used to be---heck, family members used to think i'd be the first female priest...but that's another interesting twist on my faith journey....)
Peace & Love!
Friday, October 2, 2009
gotta love folks w passion
well, i'm prety passionate about lots of stuff. but i've been so tired from working lately that i don't have much time to expound upon it.
one thing, i have to get off my chest is that i'm seriously jealous of a certain friend on FB who within 5 to 10 minutes of posting anything (and i mean ANYTHING SHE FREAKIN POSTS) she gets TONS of response. i guess this is what its like to be cute and popular....or maybe (in a very dark way, in my brain) people just feel sorry for her and want to respond. But i truly think its more about how adorably cute she is that people want to respond....which leads me to think about how terribly shallow most the world is....
I did have a really productive week and most especially enjoyed having lunch w an old college pal who i had not seen in about 20 years. we seemed to re-connect instantly and it was one of the best conversations i've had in a long time!!!! i'm really excited to get planning our 20 year college reunion and seeing where everyone "ended up".
one thing, i have to get off my chest is that i'm seriously jealous of a certain friend on FB who within 5 to 10 minutes of posting anything (and i mean ANYTHING SHE FREAKIN POSTS) she gets TONS of response. i guess this is what its like to be cute and popular....or maybe (in a very dark way, in my brain) people just feel sorry for her and want to respond. But i truly think its more about how adorably cute she is that people want to respond....which leads me to think about how terribly shallow most the world is....
I did have a really productive week and most especially enjoyed having lunch w an old college pal who i had not seen in about 20 years. we seemed to re-connect instantly and it was one of the best conversations i've had in a long time!!!! i'm really excited to get planning our 20 year college reunion and seeing where everyone "ended up".
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