Post #28: 50Lessonsfr50YRS: YOU must decide how you are going to LIVE

Note: shortening the blog series name from "50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years" to "50Lessonsfr50YRS"...


Lesson #28: YOU must decide how you are going to LIVE

Re-Post from several years ago (2011) below.... but the lesson is: "Live a Courageous, Action-Oriented Life with Integrity".  I suggest, that you don't sit around waiting for someone else or some special "alignment of the moon & stars" for SUCCESS to happen. YOU make it happen and if you don't then STOP YOUR COMPLAINING! ;-)

READ on.... (I cut & paste from the former entry to make this easy on you...):

My Personal Convictions:

BRAVO = Build Relationships with Actions that Value Others

WHAT IS COURAGE? Courage: the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

WHAT IS CONVICTION? Conviction: a strong belief


SOME OF MY PERSONAL CONVICTIONS:

• I believe everyone has a right to be treated fairly.

• I believe that everyone should attempt to try to understand one another, rather than placing judgments and expectations on others.

• I believe that research and listening to various points of view with an open-mind are critical to being truly educated, and thus being the best human/person you can be.

• I believe that there are people in this world who truly need the help of others to survive (i.e. people w developmental disabilities) and that I must do what I can to help.

• I believe that war is stupid and cowardly.

• I believe in God who is watching out for all of us, and I really don't have anything to worry about.

Post #27: 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years: One step at a time

So after this post, this series will be complete in 23 MORE posts...WOW - this project IS A TON HARDER than I envisioned. So this "AHA" lead me to create:

Lesson #27 Learned: 

Most BIG GOALS are NOT EASY to complete, and it takes several smaller steps over a long-term to achieve SUCCESS.

 Instant Gratification is NOT going to do you ANY GOOD if you have a 

BHAG - Big Hairy Ass Goal

So many people want to make a big splash and accomplish something QUICK and EASY so they appear like a SUCCESS...but I have found that taking small steps toward my goal over time will reap the greatest benefit and long-term sustainability (WOW - that didn't sound like a fundraiser who occassionally writes grants - in my sarcastic voice)...

PERSISTENCE and PATIENCE and a GOOD ATTITUDE are key to the slow moving pace of working toward a BHAG.

NEVER EVER GIVE UP! ;-)

Post #26: 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years: EVENT DAY readiness - ATTIRE Edition

Post #26: 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years: EVENT DAY readiness - ATTIRE Edition (i may have another addition later with other useful tips to reduce your stress level)

If you ever have to plan and execute an event...and have to work all day and don't have any time to change your attire before said event (like fundraisers who work for nonprofits, like ME) then here are  a few tips I've Learned:

A. Wear something comfortable and cute (in case you don't have time to change later) and something that DOES NOT SHOW SWEAT!

B. If you think you might have time, then bring an extra set of clothes to change into.

C. Wear comfy shoes most the day, but bring the cute "fancy" shoes for the event to slip on about 15 minutes before guests arrive.

Here's what I wore (a good choice all around for this type of event prep day) recently - we had a Wine/Cheese event from 5 to 7 PM...i had to be at work earlier that day and go help buy the food and do all the other final prep leading up to the guests arriving:

Post #25: 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years: The 4 Agreements

HALF-WAY thru this project to post 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years ... see the first one here.

Post #25: The 4 Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz

My friend Susi (purple font in her honor) introduced me to this wonderful little book about 16 or so years ago...These are truly powerful AGREEMENTS that if you follow, your life will run sooooooo much smoother. 

Follow Ruiz on FB at: https://www.facebook.com/OfficialFourAgreements/

In a nutshell, here's the summary:

Post #24: 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years - Empathy vs Sympathy

I have always believed that I am empathetic, but I don't always get it right. I try to "SHOW UP" for those I love and sometimes even "show up" for those I don't particularly love (but feel obligated to show up by some other community or professional duty)...but I digress.

My next entry in 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years is the difference between Empathy and Sympathy. I learned this from reading many of her books and this short video that is a great explanation by Brene Brown. Here, I am re-sharing what I have learned from her:

A. FIRST: The Power of Empathy Video - 2 minute explanation!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
B. NEXT: Brene Brown RESOURCES:

My intro to her several years ago: Her June 2010 TedXHouston "The Power of Vulnerability". <----click font="" there="">

Her website listing all her books, talks, etc. https://brenebrown.com/

I'm currently almost finished with her latest book: Dare to Lead. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
C. LAST (but not least): THE quote she uses as a basis for most her research and practical applications of vulnerability (also one of my favorites BEFORE I was ever exposed to her work):

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”  --Theodore Roosevelt (American 26th US President (1901-09), 1858-1919)

Post #23: 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years: things may take longer

So I haven't even made it halfway, but i'm less than half way through my 50th year...one thing to share today is that "things may take longer" than you expect, and patience is VERY IMPORTANT.

Being only on #23 of this 50 Things I've Learned series proves this point.

LOL

Post #22: 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years: READ

Lesson #22: READ

that is all..

...well not "all", but here's the expansion in my lesson (if you made it this far)

Reading ALMOST ANYTHING......improves almost everything about you. Reading forces you to think, but Reading can also just be FUN and stress-reducing.

GO TO YOUR FREE LIBRARY NOW...or buy books at the local store or amaonsmiles.com

Post #21: 50 things I've Learned in 50 Years: Consider the Source

Lesson #21: Consider the Source (before you react and stress yourself out or become as MEAN and unKIND as the source)

I have learned that there would be a great deal less conflict and more adjusted people in this world, if we could ALL learn to "Consider the Source" when someone tries to tear you down or insult you, b/c that source may be extremely mis-informed and/or sadly upset with their own circumstance that they feel it's necessary to bring others down to their level.

In addition to that, I have taught my kids "KNOW the FACTS before you REACTs".  I hate when people go on a rampage when they DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY ARE F'n TALKING ABOUT.

Had an older lady tear into me today b/c her perception of the situation was that I WAS BEING RUDE TO HER (b/c she thinks she responded via email -- THAT I never received and calmly tried to explain that to her, but she proceeded to NOT LISTEN and continue to say REALLY RUDE THINGS to me)....and it really PISSED me off...but i kept to the High Road and tried to explain, but she passed the phone off to her VERY SWEET husband who said "she didn't hear that last part"...LOL! Guess he's the only reason others have tolerated her rude and nasty behavior all these years!?!??!

So I have applied the "Consider the Source" lesson and thought to myself, "Just be kind...she has NO F'n IDEA what she is talking about and if she feels she needs to be a bitch to me to make herself feel better, then it's pretty sad that she lived a 70 or 80+ years of life and never learned the lesson to be KIND!!!"

Posts 16 to 20: 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years - Several Shortcut Lessons

Back on Post 14, I shared the lesson "Shortcuts are OK".

ME and Chris - 10 YEARS ago (when i started this blog)

This will be an occasional "feature" of this series as I know it's going to be tough to come up with 50 NEW and original lessons. I'm starting from the beginning of this blog 10 YEARS AGO and will add in reverse order some of the best lessons - IMHO. Also, I will add some pix to make this "seem" more interesting (as when i link it to other social media, pix may lure some in....HAHAHAHA - using my evil, manipulating laugh)

Target letters - no "L", so I improvised.

SOOOOOOO... here I go with shortcuts for the Posts 16-20 (click thru to old posts that I still think are good lessons i've learned in 50 years)L

Post 16:  Lesson #16 (fr 10 YEARS AGO): Get Out and LIVE your life, don't post about it all the time

Post 17:  Lesson #17: Make Celebrations Special

Post 18: Lesson #18: Take Time to Read (and Write) POETRY

Post 19: Lesson #19: NOT TIL i was 40, did I learn the word "Sagacity" & started my "Search4Sagacity" (little spin on the journey to the "city" part of the word)..

Post 20: Lesson #20: Grieving is DIFFERENT & Unique for EVERY SINGLE PERSON

Post 15: 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years: Friends Give Good Advice

15th in the series of posts I started a few months ago. To start at the beginning, go to: https://sheilasjumpinoff.blogspot.com/2018/05/search4sagacity-50-things-ive-learned.html

So Lesson #15: 

FRIENDS GIVE GOOD ADVICE

Could ramble along on all the good advice I have received over the past 50 years, but just going to share this short story of my friend Kristina who encouraged me to continue with this blog idea of adding "50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years"...she was dropping off her lovely daughter, Elise, in Colorado Springs a few weeks back. Elise will live with us through the end of the semester at UCCS as she pursues her Film Studies major as an exchange student from University of Memphis...but I'm sure I can turn that experience into one of these posts later...

Kristina, Elise, Quinn, ME - Aug 2018

BUT, the point of this post is to say "THANK YOU, Kristina" for this encouragement. I thought I would abandon this effort, but now I think I want to complete all 50 "Lessons" b/c:
A. If I don't, I will be stressed out that I left something incomplete.
B. I *DO* think I have some interesting rambling thoughts that might be useful to someone out there.
C. This is a great way to procrastinate on more important things in my life, but I can rationalize that this is somewhat important to...
D. Why the HELL NOT!?!?

Okay, enough of that, I still have 35 MORE TO GO!!! AGHHHH...

Well, THANKS, Kristina 

(in my snarky, sarcastic voice that she will understand is only playful, loving joking).

Post 14: 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years: Shortcuts are OK

I think it may be hard for me to come up with 50 original posts about 50 things I have Learned in 50 Years and I HATE TO LEAVE THINGS incomplete (or I will feel stressed that i didn't follow through on a promise...which i'm pretty crappy about following through on promises to MYSELF...have always been pretty dependable in following through on promises to OTHERS - I was nominated "Most Dependable" in 1986 by my classmates my Senior Year at St. Pius X in Atlanta...but i'm going down the wrong path here...).

SOOOOO, the next few posts are going to be repeats of previous published posts that ARE INDEED things I have learned in my 50 years, but I'm using a SHORTCUT and I've learned that SHORTCUTS are OK! That's the "Lesson" of *THIS* POST #14.

I learned "Shortcuts are OK" from Mrs. Patricia Griffin, my 5th, 7th and 8th grad MATH teacher who was an EXTRAORDINARY Educator!! She showed us how to do complex math problems the "long way" and then once we understood, she showed us the SHORTCUTS! What a lesson to learn at such a young age. Luckily I taught it to my SON and he used it as an EVEN YOUNGER AGE of about 8 (that's the age of 3rd graders, right?). See this:

Post 13: 50 things I've Learned in 50 Years: Flower Power

Flowers speaking to me in Fox Run Park (Sept 2018)

I have always thought that nature and in particular, FLOWERS, are one of the unique ways that God is trying to communicate with us. And now, as I have more loved ones than i prefer living in heaven, I think they are using flowers to contact me as well.

Flower Field in Fox Run Park (Sep 2018)

I mean, seriously, nature's complexity and beauty are probably the "simplest" way that God can explain to us mere humans how infinitely powerful and loving He/She can be. There so many freaking varieties of JUST FLOWERS, not to mention all the other varieties of other "items" in nature (not saying humans are not natural, but these things are just "out there" on their own): animals, rocks, rivers, plants, etc...

On bench I see when I hike in Fox Run Park.

So i cherish and love the flowers and imagine it's my parents or other family and friends who do not walk this earth with me anymore saying "HELLO" and "I LOVE YOU"...sending me messages to remind me they love me and are not really gone, just in some other universe or "place" that i cannot comprehend with my little human brain on this particular planet...

Post 12: 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years: Never too Late to Read a Good Book

THERE ARE SOOOO MANY GREAT BOOKS OUT THERE...i have learned that no matter how long ago a book may have been published, if it's new to me, then it can be such a wonderful little gift to read it. There are timeless human themes no matter the genre, setting, characters, plot, etc...and I always come away learning something new or thinking about something in a different way...even though I have walked this earth over 50 years!

I think those who are not reading are truly cheating themselves (and the rest of us) by choosing to keep their brains "locked down"...I am stunned when I hear people say they haven't read a book since they graduated (from college or high school....). How do they stimulate their brains!?!?!

Here are a few examples of long-ago published books that were "Best Sellers" in their time, but I didn't read them during their "heyday":

Only a few summers ago, I read The Angle of Repose by Wallace Stegner and published in 1972 (when I was 4...so i would not have known about it back then...LOL), but it was still a wonderful and beautiful book. Quick synoposis (as i remember...been a few years now since i finished it): historical journey through many generations of mining families in the West (set in several little towns in Colorado, California, etc).."angle of repose" is a mining term (and now I turn to Google to remember) meaning: "the steepest angle at which a sloping surface formed of a particular loose material is stable."

About 4 years ago, I finally read Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackery published in 1848 (final installment as it was published over several years in a magazine).





Today, I just finished reading The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. It was published in 2005 and I remember many of my friends and family talking about it then...but I just finished it. Here is my favorite quote from the book:

“I wanted to tell the book thief many things, about beauty and brutality. But what could I tell her about those things that she didn't already know? I wanted to explain that I am constantly overestimating and underestimating the human race-that rarely do I ever simply estimate it. I wanted to ask her how the same thing could be so ugly and so glorious, and its words and stories so damning and brilliant.” 
― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

Post(S) Number(S) THREE to ELEVEN: #Search4Sagacity: 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years

Kind of a cheat as I developed these lessons many years ago...but these can count for Lessons #3-11.

😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝
NEXT in the series that started with this FIRST POST:
https://sheilasjumpinoff.blogspot.com/2018/05/search4sagacity-50-things-ive-learned.html

Post Number TWO: #Search4Sagacity: 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years

Post Number TWO:  #Search4Sagacity: 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years

Lesson 2: 

If you want to feel good in the morning, then

DO NOT DRINK TOO MUCH ALCOHOL the day/night before. 

...and if you do drink too much (even if you didn't drink too much), then I advise drinking two or three LARGE 8 oz glasses of water before you go to sleep.

WAMS big sis, BA and me in 1980something

😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝
Second in the series that started with this FIRST POST:
https://sheilasjumpinoff.blogspot.com/2018/05/search4sagacity-50-things-ive-learned.html

#Search4Sagacity: 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years: Post #1: Listening is Crucial

As I look toward my 50th birthday in June, I want to "deposit" or record important (at least, IMHO, i think these are important) ideas/concepts that I have learned over these past 50 years on Earth.

WARNING: These are going to be brain dumps of the rambling conversations/ideas that are constantly playing in my head, so be warned...go click on something else if you don't care to continue or you don't have the "fortitude" to peak inside my brain...HAHAHAHA.

Edit January 4, 2022: #50LessonsFr50Years series can be found in subsequent entries to my blog through June 2019 where I actually PERSERVERED and completed writing up the full FIFTY LESSONS! 

I don't know everything, but I *DO* know I want to help others, and if OTHERS can learn from MY MISTAKES, then maybe they don't have to endure/suffer the "embarrassment" of making mistakes themselves!??!

Well, as I just typed that, I think, "I don't know if I ever learn anything without going through the experiment of trying, failing and changing tactic...so maybe people *HAVE* to make mistakes and be embarrassed in order to learn, grow, and be better?"

...BUT on the other hand, some people WAY WAY WAY older than me still seem to do STUPID, selfish, self-centered things that are NOT helping themselves, nor others and society.  SOOOOO, in the interest of making this world a better place, I still want to create this "50 Things I've Learned" series of posts on my blog - mainly to ramble along to myself, but if it can help a tiny bit with someone else's journey, well that's just a little BONUS, right!?!?!

I guess it's the "teacher" trapped inside of me that somehow thinks I *MUST* share what I have learned that might be useful to some of the youngins out there...none of this is earth-shattering SAGACITY, and you've probably heard it before...as I reflect more, these are things I am still trying to learn and perfect, so maybe that's why I want to write about them?

ENOUGH ramble, so here goes....here's what popped into my head this morning:

#Search4Sagacity: 50 Things I've Learned in 50 Years - RAMBLE Post ONE: 

Listening is CRUCIAL

If someone trusts you enough to talk to you about something, THEN I SUGGEST (b/c i have lost people over this) that no matter what they want to talk about, if they approach you, chances are they want YOU TO LISTEN.

I bet there's research out there that supports the fact that if someone initiates a conversation, it means THEY want someone to listen.  PERIOD, the END. They want someone to LISTEN.

EASY PEASY:
A. Someone starts talking,
B. Listen (stop what you are doing, turn toward them, make eye contact and OPEN YOUR EARS and mind - focus on the words coming out of their mouth),
C. WAIT for them to ask you a question .....BEFORE you offer advice, solutions or WORSE YET, your own "one-up" story that might minimize their story...

ANYTHING that they want to talk to you about...it could be something that is:

• Funny
• Scary
• Weird
• Difficult
• Super Cool
• Etc...

....WHATEVER it is, if someone CHOOSES YOU to talk to and has the the courage to open up to you with something they feel deeply about or even just some random silly thing they want to share, ALL THEY REALLY WANT is for you to LISTEN. If you only wait for the other person to stop talking so you can express your thoughts and opinions, or to tell your own story, then you are being a JERK....

I probably should have ALREADY learned this years ago when 

I took the Covey "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" 

Training at PPLD back in 2002 -- but we are all "works in progress"!!

I'm not saying to never talk again, but wait to be invited to express what you want to say when someone wanted to tell you something.  OR THINK (NOT OUTLOUD) about what they are saying so that you can understand what they want you to do (IF ANYTHING other than to LISTEN), and you might be helpful to this person.

I know many people do not intentionally make the conversation about themselves, but I do think many people are in a TERRIBLE habit of thinking that talking and offering their story is helpful, or maybe they are just in the TERRIBLE habit of only thinking of themselves and they really don't want to listen to the other person, they are just self-centered enough to think, "hmmmm, something similar happened to me, so let me talk about me..."

NOOOOOO, please wait to be invited to offer up your story if you think it might be helpful. In the meantime, REALLY LISTEN to them.

I have learned that when i only listen to wait for a pause so that I can jump in with what's rattling around in my head (b/c i obviously have a captive audience in this person who came up to talk to the GREAT-AND-WONDERFUL ME), then less and LESS and LESS people start coming to me to talk. They didn't want to hear my story, they wanted me to LISTEN!

Pretty sure I've gained more friends and admirers from my LISTENING skills than my speaking skills...so give it a try. I believe you will benefit.

...thanks for reading (listening). Have a wonderful day!!