This blog is ALL ABOUT ME and my inner-thinking about things. I am not trying to make anyone else feel bad....just rattling off what is in my head at the moment. This is what I am thinking about and just because I am choosing to share what is in my head, doesn't mean that you should take any offense or feel like I am judging your way of life. It's how I genuinely feel about people's revelation or their "AHA" that 2020 was so life-changing because it WAS NOT for me.
2020 was a year that MANY (seems to me, almost EVERYBODY who was apparently leading lives they weren't quite excited or proud about) are saying that the "silver lining" of COVID-19 was that they were given a reason to "pause." Their "pause" (because they were FORCED to slow down and stay home) gave them time to reflect on what was most important and to prioritize or "clean up" their lives....
...and I think that is kind of sad that they needed a terrible, WORLD-wide pandemic to find "meaning" and get their lives on track.
OR (as the person who is always forcing me to look at both sides of an issue just said to me): Maybe I should be happy that they finally decided to find meaning in their lives??
However, I still am a little sad (or maybe jealous) that they never had such a life-altering moment until now to help them define (and make it happen) what makes their life better or more meaningful. Along with the good*, life-altering moments, I have had a ton of shitty life-altering moments starting with the death of my dad in 2009 that have shaped who I am and helped me find meaning (sooner than later and 2020 was not a defining year for me).
SLEEP KIND OF CONSTANT) trying to be better and find meaning. This makes it difficult for me to understand others (who are different from me) who didn't (until now) seem interested in growing and learning and finding adventure. Did they think they were "done" and set for the next 30, 40, or 50 years? I'm 52 and hope to live 30 more years, at least, but I don't want to be sitting in the same place, doing the same things over the next 30 years...
My opinion is that it is a universal, human value to want to better oneself, but I rarely hear people talking about it (until now) and I often shout (inside my head mostly, but my family hears my rants out loud sometimes when I read something in the paper or online that sets me off):
Have they found happiness and contentment and have no need to change? Good for them, but it seems kind of boring to me.
My mind is trying to keep it all organized, but it is all so very
- fascinating and
- interesting and
- motivating and
- makes me feel alive, happy, and "smart"...
I am wondering (constantly) how to tap into my creativity and to continue on my road to #Search4Sagacity. <<HINT: that's a link to my original post on this idea of my life-long journey to deepen my spiritual, philosophical and somewhat academic growth.
So in regards to 2020, EACH & EVERY year brings a different challenge or spark or life-altering moment to me. Each year's challenges help me contemplate deeper or differently about my experiences and how I can harness my energy and thoughts in a way to be useful to make my life meaningful...
... AND to be useful in helping OTHERS find meaning, satisfaction, fulfillment (maybe only a synonym for "satisfaction"?), peace, and most importantly, HAPPINESS!
Sure this sounds like a big ole "pat on my own back" (like WOW, look at me being so self-confident, reflective, and on a good path to meaning, aren't I special!?!?). But let me be clear: I am really not trying to "look down upon" others' paths to meaning. I just truly don't understand their journeys (and that isn't saying they are wrong) and this leads me to be CURIOUS about what makes their lives meaningful??
____________________________________________________________
*Good Life-Altering Moments - "Highlights" (none of the shitty stuff here)
(this will be updated as I think about this more)
1968: BORN to Sheila & Ed Collins with big sister, Kat, awaiting my arrival
1972: Ed (brother) born
1979: Maureen (sister) born
1972-82: Great childhood at our parish & school, IHM, in Atlanta with wonderful family friend group (gatherings many weekends)
1982-86: wonderful, small group of high school friends
1986: OFF TO COLLEGE (Christian Brothers University in Memphis, TN)- the next 4 years were fantastic!!!
1991-98: Completed MAT from University of Memphis and started my career (high school teacher for 2 years, then nonprofit consulting)
1998: Married to Chris; moved to Colorado (first time)
1999-03: Worked at Pikes Peak Library District (one of the best bosses of all time, raised lots of $$, lead a team of 10, and achieved CS Biz Journal's Top 40 Under 40 distinction)
2003: Jack born
2005: Quinn born
2005-13: Lived in Germantown, TN, made lots of good friends, close to family and college friends, "sabbatical" at home w J&Q: volunteer work, started back to career part-time (raised lots of $$)
2013-18: BACK to Colorado! Started career back FULL-time (raised lots of $$), volunteer work, watching J&Q grow, learn, achieve, fun times with Chris,
2019: New career direction - Clearwater Camp Development & Communications
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